Rugby as it should be, since 1976
Montana Rugby Union Champions 2015!
1977, 1978, 1979, 1980, 1982, 1984, 1985, 1986, 1987, 1988, 1991, 1993, 1994, 1997, 2001, 2002, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2011*, 2012, 2015
Maggot email: email@example.com
*indicates undefeated season
Welcome to the Maggot Page! Click on the links for lots of pictures, stories, news, and nonsense about the Maggots.
In the spring of 1976, a group of University of Montana rugby players / students-for-life finally graduated or gave up aspirations of higher learning. Faced with the harsh realities of graduation and lack of a rugby team, they formed a new "old boys" side that summer. The name "UM Old Boys" might have been adopted had it not been for the typically insensitive Canadians who referred to the new team as "that bunch of maggots from Montana." The name stuck and has always been worn with pride by one of the top rugby teams in the northwestern United States.
The Maggots uniform is basic black with white collars, a color scheme that has also been adopted by the New Zealand national rugby team. On the shirt is a rosetta of intertwined maggots. Alternate kits include white jerseys with black and white segmented sleeves and black and white quarter panels.
The Maggots play at the Maggot Rugby Park, located in southwest Missoula in the Fort Missoula Park complex, off South Street. The Rugby park, with its full-sized pitch and views of the mountains, is widely acclaimed as one of the premier rugby venues in the northwest. Here's directions to the Missoula Maggot Rugby Park
We field two full sides each weekend through the spring and fall seasons, playing other teams from the Montana Rugby Union and visitors from the rest of the rugby world. The Maggots also field an old boys side, "The Flies" (all good Maggots grow up to be Flies), who play less regularly.
Here are a few team photos. More will be added as they surface.
Cup Champions 2006
State Champions, 1977
Tour to Bahamas, 1980
In Scottsdale, Arizona, 2001
Montana Rugby Union A-Side Champions, 2001
MRU A- and B-Side Champions, 2001
Montana Rugby Union A-Side Champions, 2002
Montana Rugby Union B-Side Champions, 2002
Kootenai Cup Champions, 2004
The Maggots also tour frequently, traveling to Australia in October of 2003 for the World Cup. Other past major trips have included New Zealand, the Caribbean, and a tour of the UK during the 1999 World Cup. We also take regular Bus tours around the US and Canada, recently having driven south to Arizona for a week, and central California for another.
If you are moving to the Missoula area, send us a message to the Maggoty-Mailer: firstname.lastname@example.org. Or, if you prefer to use the information dirt road, send mail to PO Box 8704, Missoula, MT, 59807.
The Missoula All-Maggots RFC is an IRS-recognized tax-deductible nonprofit organization, and we're always on the lookout for sponsors. Please send us an email: email@example.com or write us at PO Box 8704, Missoula, MT, 59807 if you or your company are interested in helping support athletics in the Missoula area.
Take me back to the top.
Attention Team Captains and Potential Festers!
Click here to learn more about the world famous Maggotfest and sign up online now!
Past trophy winners are listed here. For a hint of what can go on that weekend, here are some highlights (lowlights?) of past Maggotfests: an insider's view from Doc the Maggot. We were also the subject of a nice bit of press from the Missoula Independent just before Fest '98, and written up in the August 2001 issue of Rugby magazine.
I forgot where I was; take me back to the top.
Practices for the Spring 2018 Season begin in Mid-February 2018 (weather dependent but might practice indoor too) and continues every Tuesday and Thursday at the Ft. Missoula Rugby Pitch at 6:00 PM. In the meantime, keep fit. Players - new and experienced - are always welcome.
Tentative Season Timelines for 2018 are as follows:
2018 Spring 15’s rugby season - March 5th-May 20th 2018 (competitive)
2018 Summer 7’s & 15’s rugby season - May 28th – August 3rd 2016 (casual)
2018 Fall 15’s rugby season - August 23rd – October 13th 2018 (competitive)
For more information: Owen – Club President – (406) 274-5444, firstname.lastname@example.org …or Otto – Coach – email@example.com
All games begin at 1:00 P.M. on Saturdays unless noted otherwise. Here are directions to the Missoula Maggot Rugby Park
comments and outright lies about each match from our crack news team
will be available here once the season begins.
Commentaries on some past seasons are also available here, including: : 2016 (Spring & Fall), 2015 (Spring & Fall), 2014 (Spring & Fall), 2013 (Spring & Fall) , Fall 2007, Fall 2006, Spring 2006, Spring 2005, Spring, 2004, Spring 2002, Summer, 2001, Spring 2001 , Fall, 2000, Spring 2000 , Fall 1999 and Spring 1999.
You will also find descriptions of some of our tours, including Australia for the 2003 World Cup, Vail, Colorado in the Summer of 2002 and the UK for the World Cup in 1999.
Now I'm really lost, take me back to the top.
The Maggot Bus
“An amazing thing the Maggot Bus. I think I've been in every version (5 total), but they all feel the same inside.
It's like the Dalai Llama, the external body of one may die, but the spirit of the Bus moves directly to another body.
One tradition the Maggots have kept throughout history is the Maggot Bus, our clubhouse on wheels. We're currently driving the fifth incarnation of the Maggot bus. The latest version was bought in 2009. This is the epitome of rolling in style, comfort and luxury to away matches. The Bus also provides for inexpensive rugby tours, such as recent trips to the Arizona desert, the California coast, and Colorado Mountain towns. After former lives as a school bus and a forest circus bus, the Bus has been modified for the unique Maggot lifestyle, allowing the mayhem and camaraderie that have built the club into a closely-knit brotherhood.
The last ten feet of seats were ripped out and replaced by the elevated, carpeted Pit, a favored lounging site for non-rookies. There's a card room mid-way back, for games of "oh hell" during those interminable voyages to Billings and a funnel up front so we never have to stop except for beer, gas, and breakdowns (not necessarily in that order). Grafitti, stickers and old food cover the ceiling and walls, while duct tape patches the windows broken out during the sometimes devastating Pit brawls. Night-time, and the Bus becomes the Great Green Hotel, as the Pit rapidly fills with sleeping Maggots, while others stretch out on Bus boards laid across the aisle.
Like the game of rugby itself, the Bus is not for the fainthearted. The floors are swept once a year, whether they need it or not (one advantage of this is that you can almost always find a stray Bus beer rolling under the seats - even near the end of a three day trip to Edmonton in '94, brews miraculously appeared from the debris. Bus beers also played a major role in getting us across the Canadian border that trip - but I'm digressing - back to describing the Bus). I imagine the carpet in the Pit was clean once, but nobody can remember it being so. The Bus is also home to the Grunge, a particularly virulent pestilence that has occasionally decimated the team after tours. But, as a famous dead guy once said, that which does not kill us makes us stronger. We can definitely guarantee that you'll never forget the Bus!
Maggot Rugby Frequently Asked Questions
1. What is the object of rugby?
A. Run as little as possible, make spectacular tackles right in front of the female spectators, always be in the right spot to catch a pass for the winning try, then drink beer.
2. How do you score in rugby?
A. Try by day, score by night.
3. How many people are on each team?
A. It takes fifteen to play, but only eight to win.
4. Isn't rugby like American football
A. Although gridiron is a bastard child of rugby, the two games are very different from each other. Without a helmet, the head makes a poor weapon (note: some of the poofters at the IRB are trying to change this!). As a result, there are far fewer injuries in rugby than in football. In rugby, even the fat boys run 5-7 miles per game, so your average prop is in far better shape that an NFL offensive lineman.
5. How come you party after rugby games?
A. The sport is built around camaraderie, and the post-game party is a good way to relax and get to know your opponents in a friendly way. Let all the antagonism go and have a few beers with the guys you were just stamping on.
6. Is it more important to have a good time
or play lots of rugby at Maggotfest?
7. What are the three main things a rugby
team needs to remember to win the game?
A. Possession. Possession. Possession.
8. Isn't there a fourth important point to
A. Yes. Don't get caught!
9. Is it true that the U of Montana Jesters
are a lousy, second-rate rugby team?
A. This is false. They a very good, second-rate team.
10. How come so many women love horses,
which are big and dirty and smelly and stupid and go to the bathroom
all over the place, and yet women are highly critical when men
exhibit these same qualities?
A. This question has plagued men who play in the scrum since the beginning of time. I sure wish I knew the answer!
11. So how do I join the Maggots?
A. Come out to practice, Tuesdays and Thursdays at 5:30 at Fort Missoula Park.
**Contact: Owen – Club President – (406) 274-5444, firstname.lastname@example.org …or Otto – Coach –email@example.com
Or drop us an email at the Maggotymail.
Or meet us for a beer at The Eagles after practice on Thursday.
The Maggot Rugby IQ Test
Now that we've answered some of your questions about rugby, let's see what you know about the sport. Take the Maggot Rugby IQ Test and see if you understand the game the way we do!
Cool, but where was the table of contents again?
The Virtual Maggot News
"All the News We Feel Like Printing,(or have time too!) Since 1976 "
Updates, comments, ramblings and other drivel from Maggots the world over.
Practice Every Tuesday & Thursday @ 6pm at Fort Missoula Park rugby pitch for Fall2018 – NOW!!
RIP to our beloved rugby teammate and friend Spencer “Slycat” Veysey. He was a true leader of men on and off the field in Missoula and beyond. We will miss him on and off the pitch every day!
Weddings, Breeding, and Funerals:
MISSOULA RUGBY INBREEDING - the dark and sordid
Breeding and breeding practice has been going on between the Maggots and our sister club, Missoula's Betterside ever since rugby, beer and sex got together in this town. Here's a continually expanding (and occasionally diminishing) list of those pairing that went legal, in no particular order:
Smoothy and Kelly
Caveman and Laura
Chad and Jersey
Law John and Susannah
Eat Suck and Rochele
Bohunk and Patty Johnson
Pig Pen and Mary Jo
Jim Beck and Barb Springer
Seattle Dave and Meg Ann
King Bob and Shelly
Bruce Penner and Michelle
Uncle Russ and Diane
Skid and Korey
Bydie and Sue
Wardo and Jeanie
Dega and Tina
Jorge and Rachel
Gabelar and Liz
We will refrain from making editorial comments on those that failed or resulted in the woman becoming a lesbian. Know of others? Send us an email and we'll get this sucker up to date.
· The Maggots' trip to the Maggot-breeding facility in Wales (wahooooo!)
Other Maggot News:
· Festers give rugby a good name
We received the following by email shortly after Maggotfest 2003. Thanks to the Canucks involved for aiding a damsel in distress, and for keeping up rugby's good reputation in Missoula.
"I wanted to pass on a thank you to the
Canadian Rugby team who helped me out on Saturday. I have no way of
knowing how to get in touch with them but thought the Maggots might
pass this on.
My Suburban died in the Sentinel High School Parking lot on Saturday, May 4. (I was waiting for my son to return from a track meet.) I got out to tell the driver in the mini van behind me that he would have to go around me as I had no power steering. Imagine my surprise when 8 big rugby players piled out of the mini-van. Next thing I know, the hood is up, one of the guys is in the driver's seat and they have the broken fly wheel and belt off. They managed to push the Suburban back into a parking space (I only heard one complaint of "Jeez, it has to be a f---ing Suburban!!") and that was that. Oh, one player did ask for a kiss, which he got! And one player commented, after I thanked them profusely, "No problem, we Canadians are always glad to help.....except we won't invade a foreign country for you!"
It was truly great to have those guys help me out. I was very impressed with their friendliness and overall helpfulness and wanted to let someone know! Thank you "
The Missing Leprechaun
A popular Missoula family restaurant called Trenary's, was the scene of a crime of the most heinous nature at last years Fest. The culprits and criminals: the Red Deer Titans of Cheese head Land, who are too chicken to show their face at this year's Fest. The poor defenseless victim: A large and portly wooden Leprechaun. You see, this Leprechaun would frequent this fine Irish Restaurant and Pub, but he picked a bad night to end up in the path of the marauding Titans. These crafty and ruthless thugs somehow spirited the poor chap away against his will and without anyone noticing until it was too late, they took him home to their crude and savage land. When the Trenary's staff noticed the charming little fellow had failed to show at his usual spot, they became alarmed. Those nasty Maggot Festers must be responsible. So they turned to who else, but the valiant Maggots themselves. We turned to Tom "The Sleuth" France, who is a renowned tracker of villains and Maggot Attorney (every rugby club needs an attorney!). With all the wit and determination he could muster, and a few well-placed phone calls, the trail began to grow warmer. Once the treacherous outlaws had been identified, it was then the job of Lance "The Hatchet" Osler to retrieve the poor lad. He drove to Red Deer and faced down the quivering punks, and got them to spill their guts. The poor dwarf had been on tour with the Titans to the steps of the Cheesy capital in Ottawa and even to the Eiffel Tower (France, duh!)! The Hatchet made them drink for their sins and returned the Leprechaun to the Maggot "El Presidente por la vida" Otto, which was then hand delivered to Trenarys. The staff were very relieved to see that their pal the Leprechaun was returned unharmed and was glad to have him in his regular spot again.
· We were Rugby Magazine's Team of the Month for June, 2001.
· We got a sorta-nice write-up in the Missoulian during Maggotfest, 2001. Check it out here.
· Check out the page Scottsdale RFC's Joe Loud put together about Maggotfest right here.
· The Maggots took the Most Honored Side Trophy at the Scottsdale, Arizona Wild West Bluesfest, this past March 1-4, 2002. Here's news and photos.
· Some artwork of primordial Maggots was sent in by Suzanne. Apparently, those ancient guys once had hair! Check out sketches of Jamie Hoffman, Bob Hayler, Sweetheart and Logan in the arms of Suzanne.
· "Leading psychologist" and really old Maggot Hodgey was quoted by the New Zealand Press and Rugby Heaven. Check out what he had to say about women and rugby.
Here's a blast from the past! A photo has surfaced of historic
Maggots in Formal Wear. The picture was apparently made in Lethbridge
in the mid-70's.
History Test: Name all the ruggers and the year the photo was taken, and you will receive a FREE beer at the upcoming Maggotfest!
(Click on the little picture for a link to a larger version. Duh!)
· We were in the UK for the 1999 World Cup, and here's some of what went on tour that can could come back from tour. We traveled by motor coach from London to Wales, up to the north of England and Scotland, back down the east side and returned to London for a grand finale. We played five matches against clubs with our same rugby philosophy: beer, rugby, beer, inspired foolishness and beer.
Here's some additional information on the Hamster/Loeminster match and drinkup from their web site.
· Ever wonder what rugby is like in Canada? Expensive! Here's Doc's description of a tour to the Edmonton Ruggerfest.
Fun and Games Section!
Thanks to our loving “Significant Others” Without them, we would not be able to play the game we love and do the things we love.
· The Ten Commandments of Rugby (feel free hang them on the wall of your clubhouse, bar, county courthouse, etc.)
· An Ode to a Tight Head Prop (a sensitive view of the men who make it all happen)
· A Prop's Testimony to a Back
Son, in this world there are scrums. And in those scrums you need props. Are you willing to do it? As a prop, I have more responsibility than you can ever fathom. You use words like "drunk" and "out of shape"; those words are the very backbone of a life I spent drinking and partying in, and you use them as a punch line. You weep for your wings and centers, and curse the prop forward. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of knowing that the front row, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, wins these games you play. Truth? You can't handle the truth, because deep down in places you don't talk about in your selection meetings, you want me in that scrum; you need me in that scrum. I neither have the time nor inclination to explain myself to a back who scores on the very blanket of ball retention that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just bought me a beer and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you crawl into that scrum and get dirty. Either way, I don't give a damn who you think is responsible.
· Rugby Jokes! (no, not the Bozeman scrum, but almost as laughable!)
· Some deep thoughts from Shecky on each rugby position.
· Beer is always a popular topic around here. Click to see an old Maggot proverb on the subject (suitable for framing - makes an ideal Mother's Day present!) or to read a few comments and quotes on beer.
· If you have any news or comments you'd like to share with the mates, send us an email firstname.lastname@example.org and we'll get it posted as soon as we get around to it.
What does this little up-pointing Maggot icon do?
"It's the same the whole world
It's the scrum that gets the blame
It's the backs that get the glory
Ain't it all a bloody shame!"
An important tradition in rugby is the after-game party, an opportunity to get to know the other players, with plenty of beverages and the all-important (but often neglected these days) singing of rugby songs. Some are family friendly, but most tend to the bawdy side. Singing is still big with the Maggots, and we can sing with the best and worst of them. But don't bother writing to ask for lyrics - the only place to properly learn a rugby song is by hearing it at a party. So pay attention, join in, shoot the boot a few times, and pretty soon you'll be a Songmeister too. Come for a visit, sing us something new and snappy, and we'll learn you a few verses of "Nancy Reagan".
If you're a Maggot (current or old and useless), send us your email address and get on the Maggotymailing list. Be the first to know each season's schedule! Find out about special club events! Get reminders from Otto about Maggot Meetings! Read about the exploits of Maggots loose around the world! Get in touch with mates you haven't seen since that bus trip back in '79! Write to: the Maggotymailing list.
If you want to join the club, have us host your team while on tour, arrange a match, write about us for the press, or send us a large check for the clubhouse, try these methods:
Phone/Email: Owen – Club President – (406) 274-5444, email@example.com …or Otto – Coach – firstname.lastname@example.org
Emails for Maggotfest: email@example.com
Snail mail: PO Box 8704, Missoula, MT, 59807
Come out and meet us at the rugby pitch. Practices are held at 5:30 each Tuesday and Thursday in the Spring and Fall.
Links to some of our other favorite sites
Thanks to all our supporters and sponsors who help make Missoula All-Maggot Rugby possible, including these Premier Businesses:
Zip Beverage - Missoula, MT
Big Sky Brewery - Missoula, MT
Rugby Athletic - Minneapolis, MN
Bodega Bar - 221 Ryman St. Missoula, MT 59802 - (406) 549-0435
Carhartt and Walls insulated coveralls (they don't give us any money, but we sure appreciate them anyway!) And Copenhagen Tobacco needs to give us some dough, cause we give them plenty….every week!
Sponsors wanted! We're always looking for donations from companies and people with too much money who are looking for a tax break. We're an IRS-recognized tax-deductible nonprofit organization, so you can write off your donation, and we'll all be happier.
We'll also give you free advertising on this here world famous Maggotpage. As an example, a few years ago a Montana rugby club (rhymes with "Billings") was bought out by a "small" brewing company that gave them snappy windbreakers and stuff. We're always looking for handouts too, so we put together this promo shot as an example of the quality PR our crack propaganda staff is capable of.
All kidding aside, we are serious about wanting you as a sponsor. Send us an email: firstname.lastname@example.org or write us at PO Box 8704, Missoula, MT, 59807 if you're interested.
"Now this is the Law of the jungle, as old and as true as the sky; and the Wolf that keeps it may prosper, but the Wolf that breaks it must die. As the creeper that girdles the tree-trunk, the Law runneth forward and back... For the Strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the Strength of the Wolf is the Pack." - Rudyard Kipling
"Frontpage? We don't need no stinkin' Frontpage programs!"
The Maggot Page was written from scratch with a miniscule amount of knowledge and a lot of plagiarism and trial 'n' error by Doc, with help from Li'l John and Otto and currently maintained by Gopher.
If you have any comments, suggestions or complaints, send them through the MaggotyMail (email@example.com) and we might read them.