A man had a ticket for the Rugby World Cup Final but was seated in the upper, nosebleed seats. As the match begins, he notices an empty seat down near the pitch on the midfield line. Taking a chance, he makes his way down to the empty seat and asks the man next to it if anyone is sitting there.
"No", says the seated man," That seat is empty."
"This is incredible," says the other man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Cup Final, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"
The seated man says "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Rugby Final we haven't been to together since we got married in 1987".
"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?".
The seated man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral."
Other nation's versions of the Haka
Seeing how the All Blacks were motivated by performing "The Haka" before their world cup games, the other nations were asked to suggest pre-match rituals of their own.
The England team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the air and attach bells to their ankles for a while before moaning about how they invented the game, and gave it to the world, and how it's not fair that everyone can beat them now.
The Scotland team will chant "You lookin' at me Jimmy?" before smashing an Irn Bru bottle over their opponents heads.
The Ireland team will split into two, with the Southern half performing a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the Traditional route from their dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents dressing room.
The Welsh suggestion has been vetoed by the RSPCA.
Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition territory claim it as their own "Las In-Goals-Areas" and then be forcibly removed by the Stewards.
Two members of the South African team will claim to be more important than the other thirteen whom they will coral between the posts while they claim the rest of the pitch for themselves.
The Americans will not be there until half time. In future years they will alter the records to show that they were in fact the most important team in the tournament and Hollywood will make a film called "Saving No8 Lyle".
Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marsaillaise and hold the rest of the side to ransom.
The Italian team will arrive in cars shaped like red dildos, sexually harass the female stewards and then run away.
The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the pitch mow it and then claim that it was all in line with the European "grass quotas". They will then curl up under the posts and have a kip until half time.
The French will declare they have new scientific evidence that the opposition are in fact all mad. They will then park trucks across the halfway line, let sheep lose in the opposition half and burn the officials.
The Australians will have a bar-b-que before negotiating lucrative singing and TV contracts in the UK. They will then invite their mates to come and live with them in Shepherds Bush before beating up all the women on the touchline.
Haven't laughed that hard since we put the boots to that little shit who kept collapsing the scrums in Santa Cruz! Now let's go back to the Maggotpage