The Maggots visit Mortimer Park


Culled from the Loemster web page - Ta, mates!

It was a crisp clear Tuesday night when Montana's 14 times State Champions, The Missoula All Maggots, took to the floodlit pitch at Mortimer Park to play President Pudge's select XV as part of there busy World Cup 99 UK Tour.

This was the culmination of several months of communication by email and the visit had been awaited with eager anticipation. We had no idea of the playing strength of the Maggots and therefore the selection of players to face them had become a bit of a head ache. We had a cup game on the Saturday so First Team players were not available for selection. We could only work off the information on their web site and that gave us one very clear message- enjoyment, that's what it's all about!!!

A high-powered coaches' meeting was called to discuss the problem of selection for the Maggots visit, and like all good committees 'Norm' and 'Clipboard' delegated the problem to Percy Pudge, the Club's President.

They found Percy and tactfully passed the buck: 'We thought it would be good for you to select a Presidents XV for the Maggots visit' and gave him the brief.

Percy, like all good Club Presidents selected his Captain, Fat Sam Whiteman and gave him power of attorney in respect of the matter, along with instructions about good drinkers and socializes.

Fat Sam did the task admirably and called on players we all thought had long vanished into that armchair by the fire, or who had taken up residence in the reminiscing corner of the Club's bar and mixed it with a sprinkling of young talent to do the running for the old uns.

Tomo, The Club Chairmen yet again came out of retirement and talked himself into the starting line up. Fat Sam found Chubs Hussey, one time Club Captain and leading light in the famous record breaking unbeaten seasons, loitering in his shop in Kington and talked him back on to the pitch. Fat Sam prized out of the reminiscing corner Dickey Derwen Davies, who was found talking our young Aussie Colt, Crofty, to death. Crofty eagerly agreed to play if it meant he didnıt have to listen to chapter 511 of 'Tries I nearly scored' by Dickey Derwen.

Mal 'Old Timer' Williams, who once was over heard in a state of sobriety boasting that he preferred scrummaging to sex, was eager to standby his words. In fact, Fat Sam found a team with a lot of rugby experience and tempered it with just a splash of youth.


So the stage was set, the Maggots had arrived (after a very heavy previous night and a visit to a Welsh maggot farm) and were on the Pitch, The Presidents Men were ready after having to undergo a last minuet strip change from the predominately black shirts of last years 1st XV to a more traditional black and white Luctonian hoop. Mike Winnell from Gloucester Society blew his whistle and a unique match got under way.

The Maggots dominated the first 20 minutes whilst the Presidents Men were remembering what to do with that oval shaped ball and work out how to play with each other. The two packs set about seeing who was dominant and the subs walked up and down the touchline waiting to receive the call to put their body on the line for their respective side.

The Maggots were encamped in the wrong half of the field and mounted several good attacks at the Presidents' try line and in fact after 10 minutes they should have been accredited with two tries except for a dogged defence and the occasional wrong decision that was made in attack. The Maggots eventually made the break through and went under the posts to open their account with 5 points. Unfortunately the drop goal attempt at the conversion went astray.

On the sideline the Senior Committee Men were questioning if we had it right. The Presidents Men started to find their way and Chubs Hussey (9) delighted the crowd with his demonstration of 80's scrum half dive passing. Eventually Major Ken Hames (7) (of the Sky TV program 'Battle Stripes' fame.) tied the score when he managed to stretch far enough to ground the ball 10 meters in from the corner following a ruck on the Maggots 5 meter line. During this ruck the Infamous Dickey Dewen Davies picked up an injury to his ankle and could take no further part in the contest. The young Aussie Colt, Crofty, stepped forward and slotted the additional 2 points. 7- 5 and Mike Winnell whistled for half time.


The second half started and the Presidentsı pack started to dominate the set scrums with some good drives. The Maggots kept attacking through their young 10 and from deep through their15, both impressed the Luctonians support and the Referee. However jet lag and the effects of their previous nights started to tell as the Presidents XV started to find their backs and move the ball wide. Even Tomo (2) surprised and entertained the crowd with a lovely run down the short side from of his own 10 metre line in front of the support and put in the most perfectly executed double side step, that eventually lead to a try for the Presidents' Men by AJ (15) and converted by Crofty. 14-5.

Tomo and Old Timer decided to come off and let the younger Ed Turner and Refrigerator

Radbourne come on to continue the battle in the front row, or up at the coalface, as one of them would put it. The Presidents' Men continued to dominate despite the usual came of punt tennis that started between the two 15's as tiredness set in. The Presidents' Men ran in another 3 tries (2 by Crofty) and added 1 conversion to leave the final score The Presidents' Men 31 The Maggots 5.

The game was played in fine spirit and the final score did not do justice to the Maggots who played an entertaining game and kept at it until the final whistle.

So from the field into the bar (via the showers for the players) for much earned libations for one and all.


The evening started in the usual way with us feeding the Maggots on good portions of Luctonians beef stew and chips. President Pudge ensured that the Maggots had enough to drink by generously supplying them with jugs of beer.

Following the meal President Pudge got to his feet and stood on a seat to address the assembled throng.

After the usual welcome and thanks He presented a Tankard to his Man of the Match, the Maggots fullback, He also named Crofty as the Presidents XV most outstanding player and the usual head to head, who can down a pint the fastest took place between them.


             The Address


Percy Pudge then went on to announce his champagne moment and present a bottle of champagne to Tomo for his marvellous lesson in sidestepping he had given all during the game. Not bad for a retired hooker. Norm is now in negotiations with Tomo to coach the first team backs.


        The Champagne Moment Presentation


                                   Men of the Match Go Head to Head






The Maggots had a couple of Presentations of their own to make. First was the presentation by 'Otto' their President to Crofty of a Maggots Tie. We think it is one of the few pieces of the Aussie's wardrobe that has not come from the Club or Lucton School unclaimed lost and found boxes. It is by far the most tasteful of his collection of neck ware.

Otto comes to the aid of Croftyıs wardrobe

Otto went on to present Percy Pudge with a special Maggot trophy that was bore the Maggot proverb ' There are only two types of Beer: Free and Cheap ' The formalities over we all got down to the serious business of consuming that cheap beer

and getting to know each other. Friendships were quickly formed and reciprocal invitations exchanged.

It was not long before Crofty with the prompting and aid of Clipboard started to tune up and soon a rendition of 'Bestiality Œs best mate' was ringing through the Club House. Crofty quickly followed this up with another Aussie Special called 'I wish all theLadies'.                                                                                                                  


    Otto and the Maggot

The Maggots caught on very quickly to this, make it up as you go along type, song and new verses were being invented left right and centre. Both sides then found familiar ground with 'Old Chicago Store'.

As rumours were starting to circulate that there was 10 minuets before the coach was due to depart for the hotel, the Maggots entertained all with a rousing rendition of their song 'I love Nancy Reagan' complete with marching salutes. The memory of which will remain at Luctonians for many a year.

I love Nancy Reagan. As can only be performed by Montana's Missoula All-Maggots

The Maggots were told that their driver wished to depart and they with heavy hearts politely obeyed and trooped out to the awaiting coach. It was only a matter of minuets that a good number were back of the bus and into the Club House after the message was sent via Otto, 'We will remain open here for as long as you want, and you wont find any beer back at the Travel Lodge'.

Glasses were quickly recharged and the important job of swapping songs and ditties got back under way. Fat Sam, not to be out done by the impressive performance of 'I love Nancy Reagan' led the assembled in a rendition of a Scottish number 'A wee Scottish lassie we a hairy assie'. This involved the old Scots Porridge Oats tune and using the Clubs bar stools as bagpipes, a sight to behold with rugby players dancing a version of the Highland Fling with bar stools on their shoulders.

Whilst all this was going on Norm went and phoned Morris Buffton of M&S coaches and dragged him out of bed to bring a small coach to the Club to assist the Maggots with the trip back to the Travel Lodge at Brimfield. Morris came to the aid of the party and we eventually bid the remaining Maggots good night in the small hours.

All had a great evening and Luctonians look forward to furthering relations with the Maggots in the future.

'A wee Scottish lassie'


Sorry I missed it! Sure does suck to be me! Take me back to the MaggotPage to read more